LEARN TO LOVE THE MIND

A visit to Houghton Hall to see Anthony Gormley's sculptures gave me the space to think.

Yoga Asana can help us to become more aware, we are often told we are not our thoughts, we all know a negative spiral can really take you down some rabbit holes at times. Over thinking, worrying, stressing, obsessing about the future or the past, we are all doing this. So much is constructed in the mind, most will never actually happen, the mind can certainly create believable untruths.

Working for many years investigating Domestic Violence in the London Borough of Hackney I found it impossible at that time to switch off, it was the sole reason I first joined a yoga class, it chilled me out in ways I did not think was ever possible and a tiny seed was born.

What was this mindfulness and wellness all about?

When we get into negative spirals, loops or thought patterns, more of the same comes your way , almost like there is a block in your life from anything good or positive. Shifting perspective or mind set can help. The old saying 'This too shall pass' it is true, it really does, we are in constant flow, nothing remains the same, pan out and look at your life, what have you already overcome, made it through or triumphed over.

How do we change it up when we are under a big storm cloud?

Asana is the yoga poses, the practice of the poses can lead in time to doing more breathwork known as Pranayama, meditation and journaling, these are some of the most beneficial ways to calm the mind. Meditation will calm the fluctuations, the monkey mind, breathwork also will bring you to the present moment and then there is journaling, nothing better than scrawling a huge swear word across a page, a subtle way to release some anger or whatever it is that needs to go. This slowly leads (no quick fixes here) to becoming more self aware of our own thoughts. How and what am I thinking, am I telling myself the truth of this situation, making up stories in my mind or thinking negatively. How many times have you been present with someone who has maybe been speaking unkindly about someone else, how much of what they were telling you was actually factual, I guess we will never know, can you have complete faith you are getting all of the truth or just that persons perception through their own damaged lens. We listen though at times and sometimes we might even pass that information, gossip or story on, sadly not even knowing if we are passing on the truth. Human nature is so complex, we always have choices what we do and how we act in a situation like this.

If we start to pay attention to ourselves, closely we can start to recognise not only our own but others energies around us, is it positive or is it draining? Are we kind, caring and compassionate? Do we attract how we act? This is a path to learning how to protect our energy, knowing what is and what is most definitely not ours to carry, we can become aware how to energetically cut cords with those who are blissfully unaware that their actions or conversation can be a lot, which can leave us feeling deflated.

Are you someone who feels like I am the only one that does anything around here? Is that true or are you a chronic people pleaser with no boundaries and little ability to say no.

There is no judgement here, as a recovering people pleaser I know it is hard to begin with. Trying to put yourself first does not come without guilt or thinking that you are being selfish, this is your reminder you are not, do something just for you this week, allow yourself to just do you, even if it is for one hour. Restore your own energy first before giving it away to others who may act like they do not appreciate your efforts. Do you do things in your life because you want to or do you them because you think you have to, you should have done or could have done, your way into everything or are you more, if I don't do this no one else will, will the world stop turning if you give yourself a break. Notice when you are irritated, has the resentment built up.

You are not responsible for anyone else's life, they way the behave, the choices they make, you can only work on you. We have no control or any right to try and control anyone else, we can work on how we select our thoughts, how we think, speak, what energy we bring and how we react when someone triggers us. Stay close to those who bring you joy. Allow yourself to get slow, quiet and peaceful. Say no to plans not because you do not want to go but because you do not want to be constantly busy, give yourself some time and space.

If you are some one that is quick to react or even if you are pretty chilled try these exercises if you so wish.

Let's start with breathwork - Stop what you are doing, close the eyes if it safe for you do so and breath, take a big deep inhale, notice the pause, even the breath takes a rest and then breathe out, make that exhale longer than the inhale - try and do this for ten rounds of breath, breathe in and slowly out - do it for longer if it is feeling good. Notice how you feel after?

Try a guided meditation - there are so many ways of meditating, it is not just closing the eyes and getting quiet, some people will say, I can't do that, I don't have the time. Really how long do you doom scroll on your phone for? Do you say I tried meditation, never got on with it, it is all a bit woo woo for me. If that is you instead of limiting yourself with I can't, why not reframe that and say I will try. Begin by removing an preconceived notions of what you think it should be like, remove any expectations or ideas of perfectionism - you cannot get this wrong. If there is resistance to even trying ask yourself ,why? We were never meant to be as highly stimulated on a daily basis as we are in our society today and getting slow can feel challenging to begin with for sure. Go easy on yourself here. You can find lots of free guided meditations on the internet for pretty much anything you may be feeling, find a short one, Deepak Chopra has a voice like butter, just let the words play (please don't listen when driving) listen to the words - or be radical, get off the phone or the lap top, close the eyes down and just breathe see if you can do it for one minute - when was the last time you sat in complete silence without your phone. It might not feel comfortable at first but what it will do is slowly over time help you build resilience in your life to difficult feelings and sensations.

Journaling - Grab a piece of paper, write down anything that made you angry or upset today, don't hold back, no one else will read it, look at what you wrote, read it back ask yourself if it is the truth? Then tear it up, burn it, destroy it, let it go, throw it away and release it from your mind, can you make a promise to yourself not to revisit it with your thoughts again. can you stick to that? Or will you tell anyone you pass by how wronged you were by a tiny little matter, take a breath and pan out on your problem.

Last exercise to try - they say life is all about balance - our physical ability to balance starts to go from our early thirties - so get up - get up from where you are now, try and stand on one leg, try and balance or wobble, why ? When we balance, in that very moment we cannot think about anything else it brings us firmly to the present moment. It might even make you smile or laugh. The physical practice of asana in yoga is all about overcoming the wobbles, the pain and discomfort in our bodies and in our minds, it about finding out steadiness and stillness , it is a unique and individual journey it can build true resilience and strength if you are open to the flow.

Our biggest struggles can become our route to our most incredible super powers, have you ever sat with someone who has spoken bravely, calmly and honestly about a really difficult life event they have over come or that they are navigating, maybe they have confided in you about something traumatic they went through that would bring any of us to our knees. It is not for everyone to be able to sit and listen or hold space for that, which is also ok. If you are someone who gets confided in and trusted , listen with compassion, listen without the need to offer quick fixes or try and solve their problem's for them, just be present in the mud with that friend, loved one or maybe it is a total stranger, it is an honour if they choose the share their story with you, maybe by them sharing their survival story it will give you the courage and inspiration to survive your situation too. I have never not heard someone survival story and not looked at them after with renewed eyes, deep respect and admiration for what they have been through. It is up to us to deal personally with our minds, our lives, our problems, no one else can fix you or save you. Share your stories when you feel safe or held enough to do so with the right person, seek the help or find the practices that support you and if speaking out loud and sharing your story helps you heal, then use that voice. Find your tribe, your platform to share , let your voice, your vulnerability disempower your pain, shame, guilt or whatever other harshness you judge yourself with.

Find your true centre knowing that life will constantly try to pull you off balance and away from that. Your practices like yoga, meditation, breathwork, journaling, or finding a damn good counsellor can become your life jacket - when life's seas are rough, double down with all that you can to realign again and again back to that true centre. Your pain is my pain, what triggers you is where to look, your survival story will inspire me to survive too, if that does not make us all one I do not know what will, we are all in this together no matter how good you are at shoving those emotions down, no one is unscathed here in this physical life and no one is getting out alive, so live, live as joyously and in as much gratitude as you can. Be as kind, caring, humble and compassionate where you can be to yourself first then others second, love abundantly and try to heal your hearts. We can alleviate our own suffering in life , it takes small tiny steps, consistent practices will help you keep your head up and above ground.

Learn how to get slow, enjoy the quiet times, the peace, find your contentment , Santosha in life. We are responsible for the role we play in our own lives and in our own suffering, we are fortunate enough to have the freedom to choose, will you be your own main character in your story. Learn to love the mind, know you are not your thoughts and remember you are a glorious soul living a unique human experience, go easy on yourself today and every day.

Written by Clare Walton with Love for you all.