Homeward bound.

Following My Own Path

It has taken me until the age of 48 to truly understand the importance of taking care of myself.

I have spent most of my life rushing. Seventeen years in frontline policing in London did not leave space for a calm or regulated nervous system. Hypervigilance became normal. Pushing through became a skill. Rest felt unfamiliar, even unsafe.

In 2017, I left the police and married someone living with high-functioning anxiety and a great deal of unexpressed anger. We both had work to do on ourselves I was far from perfect. I carried anger too. During the marriage, I put him first. I neglected my own needs and poured all of my energy into trying to make it work. Over time, I slowly disappeared from my own life.

In May last year, burnt out and exhausted, I left. For the first time in my life, I chose myself.

I walked away from my home without knowing what the rest of my life would look like and truthfully, I still don’t. I was scared. Sometimes I still am. I chose to seek a divorce. The year that followed was incredibly tough, but I know, deeply, that it was the right decision for me.

Life looks very different now. I am running a yoga business, training as a yoga therapist, and creating a home that feels safe just for me and my dogs. Through consistent practice, my nervous system is more regulated. I feel content in my heart and ready to meet whatever this year brings. I trust that I will find my way.

Life is messy. I am messy. And yet, I am also more grounded, focused, and self-aware than I have ever been.

Last year, my counsellor described me as “a switched-on kettle, boiling with no water inside.” This is the reason I was not teaching much last year. I was not well. I have taken space and time to regulate, to listen, and to heal. There is still work to do but I am doing it, gently honestly and slowly.

This time, I am healing out loud.

Several years ago, while navigating the grief of being childless not by choice, I nearly disappeared in silence. I learned how easy it is to shrink, to keep going while breaking inside. I refuse now to live unseen or hidden simply because life has taken me down a different path. I accept where I am. I honour it.

Bali: Space to Listen

My experiences in Bali were deeply beautiful and so needed.

I trained in aerial yoga, practiced at the cliff-top Morning Light Studio, had a profound moment with an elephant at a rescue sanctuary, learned to surf, and perhaps most importantly, had time simply to be with myself. It was the first time I had travelled alone for this length of time two months away.

There were moments of loneliness, yes. But on the whole, I was okay. I met people along the way because you always do. The old saying “wherever you go, there you are” feels especially true. Travel doesn’t remove you from yourself, but it can give you the space to meet yourself more honestly.

I spent time with a skilled surf guide named Petut through our conversations we spoke often about culture and community. He shared that in Bali, divorce is rare because of the impact it has on families. People don’t move house often either, as their lives are rooted in responsibility to community and to their temples. Families care for these spaces together, showing up consistently. Communities look after those who are isolated, unwell, elderly, or grieving. When there is loss, people come together. No one is left alone.

I remember thinking how beautiful that is and how much we need that sense of belonging.

Choosing Community, Choosing Care

As I return home, I carry that with me.

My hope for this year is to continue building that sense of community at The Watermill a space where people feel held, seen, and supported. A place where anyone who feels isolated knows they are not alone. You don’t have to share your story. You don’t have to explain yourself. Just know that there is space for you here.

We will always reach into the community where we can, supporting people as much as our capacity allows. And as we move forward and hopefully soon receive confirmation of our CIC status we aim to do more work aligned with caring for others and collaborating with charities who share these values.

This work only continues because of community because people come to class, donate, and support the space. And I know, without doubt, that I am more aligned than ever to walk this path, because it comes directly from my own journey. It comes from the heart.

Listening to the Body

Following your own path requires courage. Sometimes, when the opportunity comes to truly detach, you have to take it even when it feels uncomfortable. To sit with the discomfort. To be alone. To allow the silence to exist without rushing to fill it.

It is often only in that quiet space that you begin to hear what is asking to be aligned. What is asking to be released.

Trauma, sadness, and old stories are stored deeply in the body often so deeply that we don’t even realise they are there. They become familiar, woven into how we move through life. And then, one day, almost like a whisper, something gently releases.

You feel it before you understand it.

Oh… that has gone now.

The memory may remain, but the pain softens. The charge dissolves. You feel lighter. Freer.

Sometimes in our practices the lesson arrives through the physical body. Other times it comes as a quiet spiritual knowing. Both are teachers. Both are guiding us.

The body is always speaking.

The heart already knows the way.

Our work is to quiet the mind enough to hear it.

Choosing Myself

Life will come and try you again and again. Each of us has to find what truly supports us and choose it often.

I refuse to burn out again for a job, for a relationship, or for the pursuit of a life that costs me my wellbeing. I refuse to neglect my needs going forward.

This is my most honest and vulnerable blog yet. It gives me the ick sometimes to read words this open but it is my truth. And if it helps even one other soul feel less alone, then it is worth it.

I choose myself daily. This is not a blog about woe is me, I continue to remain grateful for all of lifes twists and turns. I know so many people are holding grief and trauma in their lives. Go gentle with yourselves.

With true compassion in my heart know that there is a space for you at I am the storm yoga whatever your truth.

I look forward to being back on the mat with you soon.

with love

Clare 🙏🏼