‘NOT ALL JAMS ARE BAD JAMS’

A Week in Cornwall with Vidhi from Awaken Inner Buddha

God, I really needed a break. I don’t normally write personally, I usually write around subjects, but I’m going to be honest.

I left my marriage this year and I’m navigating a pretty tough divorce. This has all been going on behind the scenes while I opened The Sauna Box, had our first stint at Norwich Yoga Festival, and kept up with the day-to-day of I Am the Storm Yoga.

My team has been incredible, as have friends, and I’ve found surprising kindness in unbelievable corners of my world.

I’m not going to say much more about it, other than we were pretty dead in the water and have been for some time. We tried. But we grew apart. I’ve done a lot of healing, and clearly, I’m into the woo world, and that’s just not Neil’s world at all.

At one point, he did come on a retreat,one of Vidhi’s and I appreciated his stubbornness. He managed to sit in meditation for six hours. I was really proud of him actually, because it’s not easy. That was one of the most challenging retreats I’ve been on, and I’ve been practicing for some time. But that was Neil’s first experience.

Maybe that was the final nail in the coffin.

I actually enjoy this stuff.

(only joking… Maybe I shouldn’t be. But I am.)

Relationships can be hard. I took the decision to leave, and I drove away in a van with three dogs and some belongings. It’s not like we didn’t try. I had to get to a place where my nervous system felt safe enough to navigate leaving. It’s not been an easy decision, but it’s the right one for me.Anyway, I’m not going to go into much more detail right now. Maybe one day when I can speak more from the scar and not the wound I will, like I do with a few of the other subjects I now speak about openly. I feel empowered to talk about them, and I believe it helps others. Hopefully this will be the same. Hopefully, Neil and I will eventually find some peace. It’s not there at the moment, sadly.

Enter Vidhi

The last time Vidhi was here visiting, he came to stay with me. I really needed some company at that time and he was brilliant. Not only is he a wonderful teacher, he has become a very good friend. He cooked for me, took care of me and I wrote a whole blog about it.

I was right in the storm of everything I was navigating. It was hard.

It was hard turning up for classes.

It was hard carrying on.

It was hard realising that I was operating from a place of survival.

My nervous system felt shot to bits. I was heavily in masculine, hyper-independent energy.

I really needed to find a way to reset. Luckily, my practices really do sustain me as do the people that are safe around me.

I’ve always had quite a quirky sense of humour, and it was a huge coping mechanism when I was in the police for 17 years. Some days, you just didn’t know how you were going to get through. There was just so much that went on in one day you’d find yourself in the tea room, dancing and cracking up laughing at something daft, just to bring some levity to the heaviness of the day.

I rely on my humour to get me through many situations.

Whether that’s right or wrong who knows but it works for me.

I also heavily rely on my practices.

I go deep into my meditation practice when I’m navigating tough times.

I get on my mat it really helps me.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I definitely made my share of mistakes in the marriage I’ve left. I’m not laying it all at Neil’s feet—that would be wrong. I have done work around healing, marriage, childlessness, and my own upbringing. Maybe that’s what caused us to divert from each other so seriously as I went in deep. And I think it’s ongoing work.

What doesn’t work is when only one of you is digging into it, it has become my world and my passion.

A New Chapter Begins: Cornwall

So now I begin a new chapter, I find myself in Cornwall on holiday for a week with Master Vidhi

Last time he came, it was for the Solstice, and he talked about how he wanted to go to Glastonbury and Stonehenge. I said, “Next time you come, we’ll take a trip.”

I love a road trip in my beloved van with my dogs.

It doesn’t get better.

This time, I’d found the perfect spot a secluded cabin , shepherds hut for Vidhi in the middle of a wildflower meadow on a smallholding outside of Redruth in Cornwall. A dream location to wake up and go for an early walk with the dogs, a morning surf (well, I say surf my surfing really isn’t that great). It’s a work in progress. I can get onto my knees that’s mainly it. I’ve probably got to my feet three times in my life. But I’m working on it! Planning on going on a surfing yoga retreat… watch this space.

Road Trip Chaos (and Magic)

Vidhi was supposed to be doing some workshops this week in the studio, and I had the first part of my divorce hearing, so I said to him:

“Do you know what? I really, really need to get away. I just need a breather. I need a little restart.”

He said:“I’ll come.”So I picked him up from South London. The plan was to reach Glastonbury for sunrise. I thought how spiritual and beautiful would that be?However, my geography isn’t the best, and we ended up in Glastonbury at 2am. Who knew it was so close to South London? (I’ve always been a North London lass.)

We ended up kipping in a service station and decided to skip Stonehenge. Instead, I cracked on and drove to Newquay.

I arrived at 7am. Got out of my van, got into my wetsuit, got onto my surfboard and went in the sea.

It was one of the best decisions I’ve made this year. It was glorious.

There’s something about the sea that just absolutely does the trick for me.

But then again I am an Aquarius girl.

The Week Unfolds

We found our accommodation and honestly, it’s my dream way of living. Remote, quiet, sustainable, with no signal or Wi-Fi. Bliss.

Vidhi is a peaceful, quiet soul too so he was great company.

Despite the fact that I’m a busy person with a busy mind, I love allowing myself to stop, calm down, and just be. Yoga has taught me how to do this so much better. It’s still a work in progress much like my surfing. But my practice is special to me.

Vidhi and I have had a glorious week. Good chats about it all and laughs, the quirky me is slowly resurfacing I am allowing her too,

The sunshine has been wonderful.We’ve been all over:

Fistral Beach, Watergate Bay, Padstow, Boscastle…

We were motoring along happily, although I have to say he’s a little bit of a backseat driver. But then again, my manual driving is not exactly A1 either. So the reminders to change gear up those steep Cornish hills were… probably valid. Maybe?

Van Drama and Universal Reminders

A warning light came on in my van. I tried to ignore it.

Eventually called the AA. First guy came, plugged in a computer thing, said it would be alright… I didn’t believe him.

The following day, I planned to go to a beautiful early morning vinyasa class but the lights were on again. I ended up abandoning my practice and calling for assistance again. We went to a VW centre that, to be honest, was beyond useless.

Long story short I’ve left my van in Cornwall for a month while it gets fixed. The courtesy car is coming home with me to Norfolk.

On the way to the garage, we followed an Asda lorry. The sign on the back said:

“Not all jams are bad jams.”

I laughed. The Universe provides again.

I was stressing about breaking down in a big queue of Cornish holiday traffic… and that lorry appeared.

We didn’t break down. We made it to Starbucks and waited for a wonderful AA man named Craig. He was full of sunshine and helped us out.Eventually, we got to the service centre again, had a long wait, communication was a bit awry… and I was trying to stay calm. I felt gutted. I felt like I was bashing my head against a brick wall trying to explain that I needed to get back to Norfolk on Thursday.

Reframing the Day

At one point, I said to Vidhi,

“I’m going home this evening to lie down in a dark room I feel like I really want to give up.”

He looked at me , beaming and said,

“What are you on about? It’s been a great day!”

I laughed: “What are you talking about?!”

He said:

“Well… we had a great coffee in Starbucks. You had a chocolate chip cookie.

You learned how to drive a manual car better.

We got loads of work done while we waited.

We met the friendliest AA man on the planet.

You get another trip to Cornwall when you pick up the van.

We have a car to get us back to Norfolk.

and you learned the two warning lights are worse than one.

its all part of the plan!

Yep and that not all jams are bad jams! Vidhi thanks for you patience today i was done! That safe masculine energy made me laugh and i stayed pretty calm despite the fella in the service centre who’s head i wanted to staple to his paperwork. So many lessons always.

‘you deserve to be in environments that bring out the softness in you, not the survival in you’

If you have read this far thankyou - i do this cos i enjoy it and that’s its really.

Vidhi has some workshops and offerings at the mill from the weekend till 8th sept he is a teacher not to be missed, he has changed my narrative , he has changed my world and led me back to joy and bliss i don’t mind myself at all these days and that is not easy to say that. please drop us a email if you are curious - please always stay curious !

Thanks

Clare (maiden name reclaimed) - Muncey

woodland witch in the making its going to get way more feral yet !