Taking the Pressure Off and a week without my dogs.

It’s week two in our new space, and it finally feels like a little bit of pressure is coming off.

People don’t see what goes on behind the scenes, but there’s a lot in any small business for the person that’s running it, and we are a tiny team. I would say, really, apart from my lovely teachers, there’s me and one other who has really been digging in and working themselves to the bone to get this move completed with me.

And that’s what it’s been: completion.

No guesses as to who it was that’s been helping me out with that.

Pressure is a funny thing, and in our lives, I think we can definitely put ourselves under pressure. I definitely do create my own chaos at times but I am good at untangling it too.

I know I have always wanted to achieve in jobs that I have had and wanted to do the best of my ability in all of my jobs. I’ve never really slacked off, although I do love a bit of downtime when it comes. I’ve always worked to full capacity. I’ve always stayed the extra hours. I’ve always gone the extra mile.

When other people had to go home, I’d be the one that would say, “I can stay. I can do it,” because pretty much I always could.

Maybe that’s been the flip side of not having my own family, that I’ve always worked so much.

I think that’s something that doesn’t get seen in people without children. We do a lot. Maybe societally, we don’t say it much , as the presumption is we get long lie-ins and peaceful weekends and yes, that does happen too at times which is wonderful.

We also carry out roles in volunteering and community companies, and so much can be done because we’ve got that time and capacity to do that.

It’s a different life when you don’t have children, and we don’t talk about it enough.

It has allowed me to carve out a life that I want to live, and that’s what’s happening and what’s happened. I have been carving out a life where I’m trying to create something with less pressure. A life I actually get to choose, what a luxury.

So, if I’m trying to carve out a life with less pressure, where does the pressure come from?

Because I have definitely been under stress since the beginning of the year.

Moving an entire business isn’t easy. All the logistics that go on around it have been challenging.

Only now, on week two of being in the new space, am I starting to realise just how much I’ve actually been carrying.

I’ve got a housewarming party on Sunday, and I’ve invited some people who I feel really showed me immense amounts of kindness last year.

It’s amazing where it comes from when you’re going through a tough time. The strangers that just step up.

It could just be a few kind words, but you know that they’re genuine. It could be someone telling you to reach out when you’re struggling.

It could be someone offering you a place to stay if they thought that you might not have anywhere to go. I always did have somewhere, but they didn’t know that and discreetly had a word to say I was welcome.

Everyone that’s coming round on Sunday has made my life just a little bit easier.

And again, I’m going to give you the uncomfortable truth.

I’m 49 years old, a single female with very little family. I have no one around who can actually help me out on the day-to-day. I pay for a cleaner who comes in and does odd jobs for me. He does what I call my blue jobs. I am a plate spinner extraordinaire I always have been.

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During this move, I’ve had to ask for help.

And, oh, it’s been so uncomfortable.

I’ve really not been good at it.

But do you know what? I didn’t really have to ask that much because people just stepped forward and just did.

So many people just came and said, “What do you need, Clare? I know you don’t like asking for help, I’m happy to help you.”

And that was really very heartwarming, and I’m grateful.

Because as I age, if I long-term stay in this area, who knows? Who knows what’s going to come?

And for a childless person, I think that one of the biggest fears is that you’re just going to die alone.

And you could say, “Well, we’re all going to die alone,” and that often is the case. But for ages, I had this fear of just, “Who’s going to be there for me when I’m an old lady?”

I used to cling to two of my oldest school friends, who actually this year have pretty much stopped talking to me. I don’t really know why, but certain people have dropped away since last year, and I’m not really sure what to do about that at the moment. Maybe it is because I am too much I defintely am a lot at times. I have definitely navigated some big emotions over the last year and a half. Maybe it’s enough for people to leave me be. Who knows!

That might be another separate blog entirely.

But the importance of community is huge.

I really relied on people who have stepped up since the beginning of the year.

I have settled into a new home and set that up. I’ve moved my entire business and got going in a new premises, renovating that, and I think I’m just about to get myself a van, finally, to make life so much easier with everything that I hump around on a daily basis.

And it’s to stop me having to ask for so many favours.

I even had a friend put 16 willow panels on the top of his brand-new VW electric camper van. He didn’t mind, but even so, I felt bad for asking.

It’s a funny thing, how we feel when we have to ask for help.

I don’t like it, but I really did need some.

And I’m lucky to say that I got it.

So, for those who are coming round to mine on Sunday, thank you already.

You know who you are, and you’ve just made a little bit of a difference to me, whether it was making me a coffee and giving me a place to sit and be quiet, letting me use your van, giving me a lift to the car hire place, or picking up a paintbrush and doing some sanding.

Helping me with business decisions and admin that I didn’t have a clue around.

Together, this community has built this new studio, and I feel incredibly grateful to every single soul that’s helped me out.

I can’t do it alone.

I don’t want to do it alone.

And I hope that we all can realise that it’s okay to reach out for help and ask.

If people haven’t got the capacity, they can say no. They can remove themselves from a group chat.

But even if we just help each other out just that smidgen more in life, maybe give a friend a lift to the hospital.

Maybe you go round for a cup of tea with someone who you know is struggling.

When someone asks you to come for a walk, you go, not because of any reason other than that they’ve asked you.

Yoga is union and connection. It reminds us that we are connected to everything. We’re connected to the divine, and we are always held.

But wouldn’t it be lovely if we could really deeply connect to each other more in a small community?

And when people are struggling, we step up.

I think perhaps that’s what this move has taught me more than anything. Although I’ve spent a lot of my life being the person who stays late, who can do it, who goes the extra mile, who doesn’t need to ask for help, maybe I don’t always have to be that person anymore maybe this will be the story I let go of this year.

Maybe sometimes I can just say, “I need some help.”

And maybe, actually, that gives other people permission to do the same.

My dogs have gone away for a week. I am missing them badly.

I just had too much to get done, and I was struggling to give them the time that they deserve. So I sent them off for their holiday with their auntie that looks after them every now and then.

And, oh, my house is so quiet.

I realise how much life they bring, and even though I’ve got a friend’s daughter staying with me at the moment, I have found it incredibly quiet.

That little oxytocin boost of a furry beast who’s really happy to see you as soon as you walk in the door, and the love that they give me, and the love that I give them is just… it’s the most beautiful thing.

I’ve never felt alone when I’ve had my dogs with me. I’ve felt lonely, but I’ve never felt alone.

They really do bring something to me. They are my fur family.

People say, “Oh, you didn’t have kids, but you’ve got dogs.”

It’s not quite the same, but thanks for that comment anyway.

My little dog, Truffles, sleeps in bed with me every night, and she’s been gone, and it’s just like, “Oh my God, where’s that little furry, warm lump?”

Luckily, my cousin Kay is bringing her dog Alan, great name, on Sunday, so I can have a little fix.

I’ll always find them out.

Even when I went to India, I found myself with all the street dogs and ended up at the Agonda animal shelter, who we’re still trying to raise money for.

There’s a little kitchen now in the back of our yoga studio, and if you want to stay and have a drink, or a coffee, or a cup of tea, you can put a little donation in the tin.

We’re suggesting a donation of £2.50 for a drink, so if you pop that in the tin, then we’ll send that off to the dog rescue charity at the end of the year, which is still a nice way of us being able to support them a little bit.

Anyway, I digress, as always.

I’m going to get on with my day today. I’ve got an early morning class, and then another class, and then a walk with a beautiful friend from the Brecks over to natural surroundings for a cuppa.

And then it’s back to the admin and an evening on my sofa.

Tomorrow I’m doing something really random, but I’ll talk about that another time.

Thanks for reading. I’m not sure how many souls actually read much at all anymore, but I am going to keep writing just for me anyway.

With love,

Clare