Somehow this week I have ended up having three Saunas with cold water plunges, there has been plenty of yoga not just yoga on the mat, as I try to follow a karma path. It is a way of living consciously, mindfully, with compassion in my heart for myself and those around me. I don’t always get it right maybe by writing this I am going to get it wrong.
What is really interesting is the level of open judgement that still comes, apart from letting people know what’s going on with the classes and the community we are growing, I keep myself to myself, my life has privacy and tiny snippets are shared, still we all perceive others through the scope of our own lens, shaped by our upbringing, conditioning, experiences and our judgements. We all judge. It is up to each individual to do their own hard, quiet work around transformation, as teachers we are here to honour the ancient practices as sacred and hold the space and the door wide open for you to explore it all for yourselves.
Let me be clear, I’m not here to speak evangelically. I could, as a consistent yoga practice pulled me out of one of the darkest pits of despair I’ve ever known in my lifetime, I will be forever grateful for that but I don’t often speak about it unless the moment is right, unless I thought it may aid someone else navigating a difficult or similar path. I was taught and I believe that people find yoga when they’re ready but it’s their unique path to walk not mine to push.
Science is recently only catching up with what Yogi’s have known for centuries about the breath , the nervous system, the way we talk to ourselves, our energy, our vibration, we share it all, it all affects our health and actually the health of those around us and no pill in the world can touch that, the practice of yoga and mindfulness can heal our roots even if they have become in bedded with stress, fear, grief and shame.
Prescribed medication works sometimes on the specific problem. When you look at illnesses when you look at life and what goes on, we recognise many of our illnesses are rooted in stress, in lifestyle choices and how we are showing up for ourselves, how our minds are working, how our thoughts are being processed, how we’re speaking to ourselves and to others.
What is really going on in your life?
How are you feeling about yourself?
How are your relationships?
How is your sleep?
How is your diet?
How is your water intake?
These are all the aspects that make up, how you live and your state.
Do you make time to feel grounded?
Do you get to rest ?
Are you constantly productive, constantly overthinking, do you feel you are always overwhelmed?
What do you actively do that balances you out?
All of these things impact us greatly.
This blog is not my usual style – The last couple of weeks have really highlighted some things I wish to write about. A strong expression from me and for that I wish to remain unapologetic.
I have had some issues sadly with opinions and actions of a few men over the last couple of weeks, during a recent conversation about saunas, the benefits of transferring from the heat to the cold, I’m a bit of a convert these days. Hands up , don’t get me wrong in the past I would have watched too and thought what are you doing? You’re going in to freezing cold water and I would have struggled to understand before I learned of the numerous health benefits , and the fact they are indisputable.
I’m not saying that anyone’s wrong and that I am right or better, anything like that, I accept we’re all at different places along our path which is completely how it’s meant to be but two men literally looked, laughed and said that sauna stuff, is crazy. Is it though, really I said.
I often talk about trying to get more men into classes and more men or mats because it is needed so badly in our society with the dialogue currently prominent around toxic masculinity it is everywhere, it’s rife at the moment and I cannot stress how much men are welcome to our classes, to our studio space. I personally think it is actually an incredible man that makes it to a yoga class in the Western world.
The number of men that are joining us is growing and we are seeing new faces every week . On Friday out of a group of 10, we had three men, they all walked in together at the same time and it made me really smile to see that.
I was talking to a man the other day someone who does not come to class, ‘I am considering a specific men on mats class.’ I said. The guy I was speaking laughed out loud and said who would do that. It doesn’t deter me that response but it does deter me to put on a separate class just for men. We don’t need more separation we desperately need balance, shared safe space. Collective energy, exploring the feeling of safety in ourselves and with each other in order to create shifts, healing and connection.
This week Neil my husband took his car into a local garage , wearing his training gear as he was coming straight to a class afterwards, while there , he was openly mocked, the other guys laughed at him for saying he was off to yoga mimicking stretching over their cash register. He calmly responded there is actually quite a lot of men going to the class.
The dialogue at the fore around toxic masculinity sadly is there for good reason, yet when men begin to take steps towards healing themselves they get mocked by their peers , that’s where the real toxic toxicity lives. I know how hard it can be for a man to walk into that space of the first time, I know what it takes, my own husband is on that journey, leaving a corporate world behind he’s been peeling back layers, showing up and it matters. The ridicule men can face is such a reflection of the walls so many men are trapped behind. ‘Men on mats’ – it shouldn’t be funny. But healing or trying something new really scares people when they are not ready to face themselves.
Why is there this, dialogue? Why is this so funny? Let me tell you something your mental health is no joking matter, your relationships with each other and with women, it is fact men are getting labelled as toxic and fact that women have had enough of it.
This makes me feel fire inside, it makes me want to speak passionately, this is not about preaching this is about protecting, protection of a sacred practice, of the space we create for those who are ready whilst with emotional maturity we accept there are many that are not.
The Men that are laughing and ridiculing I wonder what else do you laugh at? What else have you turned a blind eye to? Honestly I wonder what else?
The words toxic masculinity must sting if you are a man. sadly I can give you three damn straight personal examples that have taken place in the last two weeks , reason alone as to why this is such a sensitive subject matter at this time.
I saw a lecture recently and the speaker said to an auditorium of 800 seated women, stand up if you’ve ever been sexually assaulted, sexually abused or sexually harassed, every single woman in the auditorium stood up and no one remained seated, the speaker went on to say that every time she presents the speech no females stay seated.
A friend told me the other day he’d received a picture, a screenshot of a female yoga teacher and the comment underneath the text from a male friend of his was ‘why are we not doing yoga?’This is exactly why we’re in this conversation This is the world we live in , like the female body it’s the point, like that is what this practice is about. Yoga undeniably can sculpt a strong, flexible, beautiful body but it was never meant to be about that.
Yoga is ancient, sacred, rooted in healing, in breath, in the nervous system and how we show up through our lives. To reduce Yoga to a body in a pose is to strip it all of its soul. This is not just about yoga it is about basic respect. This is about reclaiming ancient practices from the grip of objectification and ridicule. It is about protecting the sacred, not just the yoga but the people practicing it, especially the vulnerable ones, there for peace, connection and maybe just one hour to breathe.The image and the comment about the teacher cuts to the heart of the issue, objectified by casual misogyny and while mindsets can’t always be changed I feel calling it out openly does make a difference.
The other day I received a text message an anonymous number asking “Do I need clothes to do yoga” I politely replied confused as to the meaning. The reply ‘is it ok if i come naked to do yoga’ signed off by Dave.
Now as most of you know, I have a strong sense of humour and worked in the police predominantly with men for many years. I am not easily rattled- but this? This message upset me, not because it made me fearful, if I had not had my life experiences and my previous career. This text could have easily intimidated another teacher. It could make a woman feel unsafe. Unfortunately for Dave he picked the wrong woman to text. I will stand for this practice, for these spaces for women’s safety and men’s too and all the people that come to yoga until my last breath.
The message was inappropriate and yet unfortunately not surprising to me. Dave was immediately blocked on his reply. Only through years of training is it easy for me to stay strong composed and unshakeable it could have had serious implications, it could have silenced someone just starting out , it wont silence me.
These events that happened over the last two weeks collectively have actually been quite shocking but I am unfazed entirely, it fuels me more that I am on the right path, highlighting this behaviour I hope I can demonstrate the need to call it out and for all to know it is not welcome in our space I hope by doing this it gives others the permission to feel safe and fully supported and for the men joining us to stand up and say I do not condone this.
I’m grateful for anyone that comes through the doors regardless of gender, we are trying our best to raise some money for charities, we are focused on an energy exchange, a positive energy exchange. We are all energy and it is more and more apparent that how we show up, how we feel about ourselves, how we talk and how we interact with others has a ripple effect into our community and into our society.
There is so much judgement, misunderstanding and resistance that simply comes from others when you choose a path of healing and presence, as you choose to do the quiet work of transformation. The space is there to look at your own mental health, wellbeing and healing, an opportunity to delve into your vulnerability. To anyone that challenges this or laughs at this , all it does is ignite my fire and passion to teach and humbly facilitate the practices.
I have experienced first hand the positivity that all of these practices can bring in somebody’s life. I’ve seen yoga support mental health when everything else failed. I’ve seen it prevent breakdowns, heal trauma and reconnect people to their bodies ,to their hope and creativity.
So laugh if you need to, judge if you must but ask yourself why do you do so? Why does healing make you uncomfortable? Why is this softness threatening?
I’m proud of every Woman and Man who shows up to class, I am proud of my husband for defending his choice when he was laughed at.
I am proud of the energy we are building in our community because - we are energy and how we show up matters. It directly impacts our health, our relationships and our entire lives.
Mother Teresa said ‘if you want the World to change start by sweeping your own doorstep first.’
Don’t laugh at it ,don’t fear it because this is no joke and if I am perceived as crazy for highlighting, defending and using my voice, let me be perceived as mad in devotion of something that heals.
If you know someone that is sending text messages or pictures of teachers or anything like that online or any format. Please ask them to stop and ask them to get some help. Please be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem by turning a blind eye to it.
I write this blog as a love letter to every teacher every man or woman who’s ever walked through the ridicule to land on a mat maybe this should be our mission statement to every person that has chosen healing over hiding, You will be safe and seen in our classes and you will be held in this space.
As it stands not everyone will understand Yoga nor do they need to, I do not need to be understood as to why I do what I do. It is ok I am not here to convince or persuade. I am here to hold the door open for you. Wide open, with a big welcome to you all.
Thank you for taking the time to read this
Clare
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