Life lessons from Bali

Life Lessons from Bali

I’m travelling at the moment, and I won’t lie it’s been a an emotional rollercoaster.

I quite literally walked out of a divorce hearing that finally settled and went straight into a 300-hour yoga teacher training in Greece. After a year of the most acrimonious, exhausting battle with my ex-husband, it’s been challenging. I really needed a break… so naturally, I signed up for another intensive training. Typically me.

What surprised me was this: I hadn’t cried all year. Not once. And then the training cracked me wide open. Since then, the tears have been coming freely, unexpectedly, and honestly. Which made for a rather emotional Christmas.

On Christmas Eve I flew to Bali alone. Christmas Day was spent sobbing quietly on a plane, watching a film and hoping everyone thought it was sad and not just me. Who ends up alone on a plane on Christmas Day?

Me ,by choice. Because I needed to run away. And actually, it was the right choice.

I arrived in Bali and booked myself into a deep healing retreat at Escape Haven. Ironically, I seem to have escaped Escape Haven dipping in and out of the programme, following my own rhythm. I have even got a ticket to a swanky beach front hotel to go and have a dance New year’s eve, yes alone ! I hope I can bust back in to Escape haven after midnight. I think I have done more of my own thing because I think I feel something shifting, shifting back to umm Joy I think you would call it. Not that healing ever ends, but I understand myself now in a way I didn’t before. I know my triggers. I see my patterns. I understand how I show up. I think maybe I am starting to be in a good way again, regulated, chilled and contented.(Don’t speak to soon clare) Seriously time back on my mat just for me is immense.

I also see how much I live in my masculine energy. I often talk about this we have both Ida and pingala. Masculine and Feminine energy in us all. I’m hyper-independent, a business owner, and after 17 years in the police including time on the Riot Squad, I hardly mention that one, softness and emotions don’t come easily to me, behind closed doors with myself I am mush and actually stupidly romantic but I am never letting you see that sssshhh don’t tell anyone. I like motorbikes, surfing, skiing, camper vans, muddy spaniels, climbing trees. Ferrel basic living in little cabins, I like all the things women aren’t always expected to like. I always remember my Dad when I was a kid saying Clare just let someone help you, I think I was 3 it was a slippery slope from there ! I just got on with things I am a doer. I like to get things done. I am not sure why this is sounding like a dating profile but there we have it.

Learning to receive?

Letting men lead?

That’s… a work in progress.

I mean I let the fellas at the hotel put my surf board on the roof it’s a start 🙏🏼

I recently did a deep dive with a therapist this week who took me straight into inner-child work. It was uncomfortable. It was confronting. And yes despite all the work I’ve done, there’s still more to do. But that awareness feels like progress, not failure.

Then came the surf lessons my main reason for wanting to come here.

Out of twelve women, I was the only one who booked the surf and yoga option and it turned out to be one of the highlights of my entire year. I’ve been having lessons with an incredible Balinese instructor, Putu, and for the first time ever, I am consistently standing up on my surfboard. Literally this is a huge celebration as I have been super shit at surfing for years.

I’m still on a foamy although I do own a decent board but didn’t think it appropriate to take to my divorce hearing the packed suitcase was bad enough. The backs of my legs are completely sunburnt. And I don’t care because I was so happy I nearly cried with joy.

It felt like yoga on a surfboard. The strength from my practice kicked in. The alignment made sense. Everything came together.

And then he said something that felt like a message for my whole life:

“Don’t look down. You’re not going that way. Look forward.”

And when the waves came and I started to panic and paddle hard, he said:

“Go slow, Clare. Chill. Relax Calm down.”

Honestly that might be the best thing any man has ever said to me. I think he is the first man to ever use those words. Funny not so funny. In all seriousness paddling slowly at first then a bit faster before the pop up, legs very bent, one arm in the direction of travel the other out to the side, visions of super women, surfing game changer !

There were two local kids, amazing surfers in the water by me, they actually cheered when I stood up, at least 5 times !

That’s what I want more of going forward. Less force. Less rushing. More trust. More flow.

So here it is my intention for the year ahead:

I’ll get on my mat every day.

I’ll slow myself down.

I’ll focus on my therapist training.

I’ll let things unfold instead of pushing them.

No more forcing. I’m done with that.

I’ll keep practising softness. It’s not easy for me but I’ll try. Perhaps if I wear more dresses I will finally become this dainty feminine - can’t see it but I will try. Although I have just booked training to learn to ride a motorbike I am calling this my mid life exploration and going to avoid that word crisis at all costs despite the hallmarks being present. Might even grow my hair long nope scratch that I like it as it is.

And on that note, I just want to say thank you. I’m so grateful to every single one of you who comes to The mill you have no idea the difference it made to my life this year the level of support and the growth we have seen as a ickle buisness if I could give every one of you a big sloppy but really feminine obviously going forward kiss I would.

I also want to go early and wish you all a Happy New year for 2026 I hope your year wasn’t as pants as mine in places , it was a shocker but I am here surfing in Bali so no complaints from me. There really are none I am so very grateful for all of it, every single lesson.

I will be getting back to some consistent teaching from February and look forward to seeing you all then.

With so much love to each and everyone of you that takes the time to read my waffle

Thankyou !!

Here’s to all the magic, joy , love, surfing and

girly dresses for 2026

I wish you all a very happy New Year 🤍

Clare xxxx surf superstar mid life exploration expert !